When you realize that your marriage, (how ever many years you have been married ), is over it is devastating to you and the dream you believed, you were going to have in the union. Why should you forgive your ex-spouse?
You commit to God, your family and friends that you are marrying your partner until death do you part. You were committed to your spouse. Being the wife, I know I did all I knew to do to be the best wife to my ex-husband I could be.
- I had energy,
- Did my best to keep myself attractive
- Kept a clean home
- Worked a full-time job
- Cooked most meals every day of the week
- Tried to keep the communication door open
- Genuinely loved and cared for my ex-husband and our life together
What happened? I’ve read there are many reasons marriages end. Honestly, I think they are all stupid and really shouldn’t be. Most reasons, are because people can be selfish and self centered. But, we are people and everyone makes choices. Those choices affect everyone around you.
It Takes Two
I have heard the phrase, “It takes two to cause a marital breakdown.” But honestly, I don’t believe that in my case, nor in some others case. You can be all you know to be and do all you know to do to make a happy home for your spouse. But, if they make choices that are detrimental to the marriage, “they make their bed and they will have to lie in it”. The old saying goes.
You Can’t Make Someone Love You
One thing I’ve learned during my first marriage divorce is, “it is what it is”. You can not make someone love you, if they don’t. They can not love you and make choices that they know will hurt and destroy you and your marriage. Usually, it’s because they are all about them and not about you and your marriage. It is truly sad and heart breaking when your spouse doesn’t treasure and care for the unity of your marriage.
Marriage is sacred and should not ever be taken lightly. That’s not just a matrimony statement. You choose to love your spouse for life. Through sickness and in health. Through the good, the bad and ugly times. It can be tough, but love can and should triumph over all.
Love Is Blind
The thing is, before we get married (and we all know this), your love seems to have no faults. Your opinion of him or her is that they are so smart, so handsome (or beautiful), so kind and thoughtful. You trust them with your life and your well being, because you believe they truly have your best interest at heart and they cherish you. You found your thrill! He or she makes you feel loved and cared for. They won’t let you down, they L O V E you!
In the “Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer” movie, you see Rudolph jumping all around, excited that the female deer “thought he was cute”. He was elated and showed it. That’s how we are when we believe we have found the love of our life. It is great, that feeling, it really is.
When you’ve given 20 years, (or more or less) to marriage and then realize that your spouse has violated your vows, especially infidelity time and time again you realize “enough is enough”. It’s heart breaking and it is devastating to say the least. Especially, when it happened one time and then you did your best to forgive and forget and have their commitment it will never happen again. But it does, time and time and time again. So now what? You have to be the one to make that decision. It can be hard, but I will tell you once you have had enough, you will have enough. I decided I wanted better for myself and that I deserved better for myself.
Relief of Hurt
Even if I lived the rest of my life alone, I was fine with that. Because I finally realized my dream was not to be, with that spouse. Was it easy? No it was not. But once I made the decision, I realized my freedom and relief came because I no longer hurt like I did. Was I sad about having to make the decision? Sure, I wanted my marriage to be forever. But, I knew I could not continue living a lie that all is well, when it was truly not. Hurt came day after day after day. I didn’t deserve that.
So, my topic is about “Why Forgive Your Ex-Spouse After Divorce”? Here is why I had to forgive:
- The number one answer is: God commands us to forgive. He forgives us as we forgive others. He will not forgive us, if we don’t forgive others. His word says this: Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
- By following His word, He will give you the heart to forgive, even though it does not change the fact, that you were wronged. God is bigger than all that!
- Forgiving also allows you to move on with your life and find happiness again.
- Forgiving will bring peace and healing to you. I am not saying you will forget completely, but it won’t be important to you any more and the hurt will heal.
Is It Easy To Forgive Your Ex-Spouse?
So is it easy as 1, 2, 3, 4? Not exactly, but you will find as you give your hurts to God, he will help you to forgive and with that forgiveness brings healing. I don’t know how He does it, but He does and it is wonderful to know your life can bloom again.
After being divorced for 10 years, I was blessed to meet my husband. We dated for 3 years, before we realized we were meant to be a married couple. We were both hurt from previous marriages, but God. God brought us together and we both know that. We have been married for going on 14 years in May 2020.
If You Are Going Through a Divorce
So, I say this, if you are going through a divorce, for whatever reasons. Whether it was your fault or not. God can fix your life, don’t give up. There is life after divorce and whether you decide to remarry or not, it’s ok. One thing I have learned and continue to learn is God has a plan for your life. Give it up to Him! He truly loves you and wants the best for you. Try Him, speak to Him about your hurts and failures. Trust me, He will listen and have compassion for you. He will be your provider, and sanity. Divorce is stressful and heartbreaking, let Him heal you.
Allow Yourself To Heal
Allow your family, and friends you trust, help you stay active. Your mind needs relief and rest. Be with your people or tribe, so that you can release yourself to have fun and feel safe again.
Then, rest in God, He has you in the palm of His hand and He will not fail you, He promises and His promises are forever and always! Amen.
If you have comments or thoughts, please leave them below.
Sincerely and respectfully,